Serving overpriced sundaes to Russian oligarchs in London was not a tremendous use of my degree

There is nothing strange about moving from a stagnant economy to a more developed neighbour. But what happens when the roles reverse? Today, Irish growth is red-hot, while British industry is stalling. Yet, despite the abundance of work back home in Ireland, the movement of people between the two islands is still largely one-way traffic.

A certain level of emigration is inevitable. Whatever your calling in life, there will always be greater opportunities in cities such as London, New York or Sydney. Even putting factors such as aspiration and fear of missing out aside, though, the level of unhappiness among Irish young people against a backdrop of a surging economy seems remarkable.

We all have anecdotal evidence of jaded family and friends rushing towards the exit – both my sisters will have left Ireland by the end of this year – and the data is beginning to reflect this. A recent poll by the Robert Walters consultancy found that more than a quarter of employees in Ireland are considering moving abroad.

You might think it’s impossible to look miserable while sucking milkshake through a straw while perched beside your supermodel spouse, but David Walliams managed it in the ice-cream parlour where I worked

My cohort of emigres jumped ship following the banking collapse. Our reasons were unambiguous. This was the JobsBridge era, when unpaid labour cosplaying as personal development was underwritten by the Irish State. Instead of accepting this open contempt from the same political class that caused the crisis, my pals and I booked flights to the UK as quickly as we could.

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My first gig in England was in the ice-cream parlour of a world-famous department store. Think Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, but switch singing Little People with orange skin to swearing migrants with bloodshot eyes. It was our purpose in life to serve criminally overpriced sundaes to Russian oligarchs, Arab princes and British celebrities. Though not a tremendous use of my university degree, it offered an insight into the lost afternoons of the stinking rich. You might think it’s impossible to look miserable while sucking milkshake through a straw while perched beside your supermodel spouse, but David Walliams managed it.

When I left home, getting a job in a Spar deli was a competitive process. Now Ireland is apparently teeming with work, but many are opting to bolt anyway.

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As my generation slowly age out of London, I notice we are being replaced by a fresh batch of Irish in their 20s and 30s. I meet them in bars and comedy clubs around the city, and when I ask them their reasons for moving, some common themes emerge.

Post-Covid fatigue is a factor. Ireland’s restrictions were some of the bleakest in the world, with rates of depression spiking among younger people in particular. The caution in reopening may have made sense at the time, but this was of little comfort to young people watching their British contemporaries party on social media in the summer of 2021. It is not difficult to understand why, anxious to make up for lost time, many would want a change of scene.

It’s not until you ask Irish people in London about the quality of life in Dublin that the real anger comes out. Stupendous growth feels completely abstract to someone who can’t find somewhere decent to live

It’s not until you ask people about the quality of life in Dublin that the real anger comes out, however. Stupendous growth statistics feel completely abstract to someone who can’t find somewhere decent to live. You could argue that prices in a city such as London aren’t any better, but the feeling is that the English capital simply offers more value in terms of work and social opportunities.

Housing supply is challenged in the UK capital, but it is not choked in the same way that it is at home. Some London boroughs are already seeing their property prices tumble, with experts suggesting that rents could follow by the end of the year. Whether the UK property market takes this expected dip or not, a similar readjustment seems fanciful in Ireland given the shortage of homes there.

The nexus of policymakers, property owners and homebuilders appear to have it all figured out. The Irish economy has found its sweet spot – launder the capital of American corporations and use the proceeds to sell houses to one another in commuter belt towns.

The role of younger people in this equation is not to own assets but to service transitory foreign wealth as it sloshes through the system.

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A drone class has emerged of people doing nonsense work in the phoney EU headquarters of grifter multinationals. Whatever the brass plates above the office doors say, much of the creative, challenging work is still done overseas. It should not be a surprise that ambitious people want to leave and go where the action is.

There is a tendency in Ireland to romanticise emigration, simultaneously lamenting its necessity while cooing over the diaspora. No developed northern European country should be comfortable with the kind of brain drain Ireland still takes for granted.

The country’s social and economic transformation is meaningless as long as it remains no country for young men.

Peter Flanagan left Ireland in 2016 to perform stand-up comedy in London. He lives in Hackney. Instagram @peterflanagancomedy and Twitter is @peterflanagan.

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