Running rings around us all

RADIO REVIEW:EVEN WITHOUT scientific analysis of the radio waves, one can safely say that the Dublin Women's Mini-Marathon received more coverage than the Cork City Marathon, helped by the availability of guests at Dublin-based stations.

The Ray D'Arcy Show(Today FM, weekdays) had reason to be interested in the former. D'Arcy took to the sidelines to support his partner, producer Jenny Kelly, and noticed something odd: dodgy men with long-lens cameras. He didn't think they were photojournalists. "The course should have more policing," he said. He suspected they had interests . . . other than running. "Ah, Ray!" Kelly said.

However, not all participants were taking the sporting challenge so seriously. "I saw one woman running with her handbag over her shoulder," D'Arcy added. "I kid you not." Kelly topped that with a sight that resembled an Absolutely Fabulousparody: "I saw a woman jogging on her mobile phone having a fag."

On The Ian Dempsey Breakfast Show(Today FM, weekdays) on Wednesday, some men who ran the race in drag for charity (one hopes they fooled those long-lensed photographers) complained that they were refused medals at the finish line. Medals are useful in proving to charities that they completed the course.

“Sometimes you get people who are very bureaucratic about these things,” Dempsey said. “It’s only an aul’ medal. It’s probably not worth very much, is it?” Still, the clue is in the title, I suppose.

Singer Mary Coughlan, who also ran, sang Bless The Road, which was an appropriate choice. Later, D'Arcy read out exam recollections from the other Mary Coughlan, our Tánaiste, as told to this newspaper. "The Leaving Certificate was no joke. Especially history and geography . . . And, as for English, well, it's not as handy as everybody thinks." D'Arcy was amused: "I didn't make it up. It's there in The Irish Times!" He read some more. According to Coughlan, "There was so much reading to do . . . And watch out for the underdogs. The very people that everyone frets about are the ones that end up swinging around in a bigger car than the teacher!" No doubt, some of those cars she mentioned now have State drivers.

More caricatures: another Ray, this one a colleague of fictional social worker Clare in the Community(BBC Radio 4, Tuesdays), was raising money for the London Marathon. Clare (Sally Phillips) berates him: "You're only running the one!" (Eddie Izzard's 43 marathons in 51 days put Ray back in his poor box.) The latest episode in this inspired comedy series, recorded in front of a studio audience, was called The Luck of the Irish, as Clare's partner Brian finds out she is related to Patrick "Paddy" O'Riordan, born in Dublin in 1916. Clare is ecstatic. An unwilling middle-class heterosexual, she finally gets to be an ethnic minority.

Getting into the spirit of Clare’s new-found heritage, Brian says, “A great big top of the morning to you!” But she has an immediate sense of humour failure: “Don’t you take the p***, Brian! We have suffered centuries of it.”

Clare is a delicious character: smug and earnest on the outside, but shallow and capricious underneath. She tries reading Ulyssesand starts speaking in an Irish accent ("Would ya like a cuppa tea in yar hand?"), holds a St Patrick's Day party (in June) with Daniel O'Donnell on the stereo and serves seaweed vol-au-vents. Brian tells her: "The neighbours are not too happy with them painting a mural on the side of our house."

Accidentally slipping back into her posh London accent, Clare tells a baffled London friend: “Oh, and Helen. You’ll find yourself in Heaven before the devil knows you’re dead, sure enough.” Based on Harry Venning’s cartoon strip in the Guardian, Clare might be the funniest creation on radio.

George Hook is shaping up to being a bit of a cartoon himself: "Hookie", a theatrically rambunctious fellow, as drawn by Walt Disney. He frequently flips the proverbial bird to his texters and referred to one this week as an eejit. Of course, they love it. On Tuesday's The Right Hook(Newstalk, weekdays) he'd had it. Not since Derek Mooney told a woman texter to "build a bridge and get over it" a couple weeks ago, after she had a go at him for giving out the wrong result on a TV talent show, have I heard such a snarky response to listeners. (Alas, Mooney, known for hugging grannies, apologised after the ad break.) There's more chance of Elmer Fudd eating rabbit stew or Popeye getting a Nicorette patch than Hook issuing such a mea culpa. Texters were upset with Hook for pooh-poohing the World Cup. He rightly went bazookas, saying they should be giving out about the failing health service instead. "Get a grip!" Hookie said.

Why he oughta . . .

qfottrell@irishtimes.com