Pádraig O’Moráin: Being kind to colleagues is key to our own wellbeing

Observing staff at Porto airport last week reminded me that there’s so much more to work than work. The people behind the counter in the cafe obviously liked each other and were pleasant to the endless line of customers. A man behind one of the many tills in the duty-free shop took the time to joke with us. That’s not something you always see at an airport.

At least some employees get to go home feeing good about themselves. And passengers get themselves processed on to their flights in a better mood.

Why does any of this matter? Because the way we are to each other at work really does affect the quality of our experience in a place where most of us spend a substantial chunk of our lives. A meta-analysis, bringing together the results of 201 studies in workplaces, recently showed that people who are helpful, positive and friendly at work experienced more wellbeing themselves. The study, “Feeling Good, Doing Good, and Getting Ahead”, is published in the Psychological Bulletin of the American Psychological Association.

Apart from feeling better they also tended to perform better in their jobs, though I wonder how much that latter might have had to do with the overall performance of the organisation they worked for.

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To me, feeling better in yourself because you’ve been helpful or friendly to other people is the prize. It’s also significant at a time when we hear about people feeling high levels of burnout – meaning a feeling of demotivation, tiredness, a sense that nobody cares and a belief that you can’t really change anything anyway.

For many, the concept of hybrid work is but a dream and they are already back to the workplace full-time. There, the cultivation of a friendly culture can make a big difference to wellbeing and the overall ‘feel’ of the workplace

It’s hard to know how much burnout is around – a McKinsey survey last year reported that 49 per cent of employees over five continents said they were at least somewhat burned out. In Europe, 20 per cent said they were burned out to a high or very high degree. McKinsey noted that “burned-out employees are less likely to respond to survey requests about said burnout, and the most burned-out employees may already have left the workforce”.

If helpfulness, friendliness and positivity can help create a culture in which burnout is less likely to happen, then a culture that is conducive to this kind atmosphere is healthy and makes sense. What this doesn’t mean is that a directive should go forth stating that all employees will henceforth be helpful etc to each other, or else. As Berkeley University’s Greater Good website notes in a report on the study, “an employee who sees a colleague struggling with a project and is motivated to help may get more satisfaction than a colleague whose manager asks them to help”. Leading by example might be a better way forward than mandating friendliness. Though in an episode largely favourable to empathic workplaces, the Financial Times’s “Working It” podcast asks bosses to please not cry as a means of expressing fellow feeling with a member of their team. Quite right too – it sounds like a yuck experience for all concerned.

How does remote working fit into this emotional landscape? It’s too soon to say but informal emotional support may be harder to get from colleagues at a distance – no sharing your sorrows at lunch, for instance. Hybrid working, which looks as though it’s becoming the standard alternative to five days a week in the office, opens up possibilities for these friendly, supportive conversations on in-office days though. For many, the concept of hybrid work is but a dream and they are already back to the workplace full-time. There, the cultivation of a friendly culture can make a big difference to wellbeing and the overall “feel” of the workplace.

The research found that the beneficial effects of helpfulness and friendliness by staff members were weakened in workplaces that were more individualistic or in which competitiveness between employers was encouraged. So it’s not for everyone or for every employment.

For most of us, though, a positive, friendly relationship between colleagues can put a smile on our faces as it did, unexpectedly, at the airport.

- Padraig O’Morain (Instagram, Twitter: @padraigomorain) is accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. His books include Kindfulness - a guide to self compassion; his daily mindfulness reminder is available free by email (pomorain@yahoo.com).