Biffo spreads an atmosphere of unease with talk of 'adequacy'

DÁIL SKETCH:He should stop saying it, or risk upsetting his troubled backbenchers even more, writes MIRIAM LORD

Each time he says "adequacy ratios" the troops turn white. Biffo may be talking about the banks, and how much money they have in their coffers, but the mere mention of such a thing as an adequacy ratio is enough to sour the cheeriest deputy.

Some have only ever aspired to delusions of adequacy, others like to give the appearance of adequacy and the rest fear if they seem too adequate somebody might find them out. Happily for the politicians, there is no way of formally establishing whether or not they are up to the job. Apart from the ballot box. And that's the way they like it.

But for the last two days the Taoiseach has been spouting in the Dáil about "adequacy ratios". It could put ideas into people's heads. The next thing deputies will be engaged in a "rate my TD" situation based on a sliding scale of adequacy. It's unthinkable.

Mind you, poor Brian Lenihan is already in this situation. The Financial Timeshas declared him the second worst minister for finance in Europe, trailing in miserably ahead of Portugal's Fernando Teixeira dos Santos. It seems he was lifted into second last place by his "lucidity" in the early days of the banking crisis.

He's still lucid, fortunately, because somebody has to explain what's going on. All Brian Cowen does is bamboozle the electorate with his downbeat line in impenetrable economic jargon.

The most lucid of the Lenihans wasn't in the Dáil chamber when the Taoiseach took Leaders' Questions yesterday. In fact, Brian has hardly been seen in public since all hell broke loose over the banks, and then the Budget.

Some people thought he had fled the country, sick and tired of protesting pensioners and a boss whom nobody understands.

But no. Yesterday morning, after Cowen tranquillised the House with his talk of capital adequacy ratios and stress scenarios, Brian Lenihan suddenly appeared.

Not in the Dáil, you understand, because he's allergic to the Dáil. Instead, journalists who went to Government Buildings to see Minister for Health Mary Harney unveil a wheeze to get back in the pensioners' good books were taken aback when Brian beetled out into the room behind her.

Oh, thank God! cried Ms Harney's audience. He's alive!

Lenihan the Lucid gatecrashed Mary's meeting because he wanted to talk about the banks. Which he did, saying the exact same thing his party leader had told the Dáil an hour earlier but far more illuminating.

But he had one problem. Everyone really wanted to ask him about the Financial Times. But nobody had the nerve. So there were a few perfunctory questions and Brian made his getaway.

Unless he was willing to up the ante with a few tears, he was never going to top editors of the Irish Starand the Irish Mirrorfor entertainment value. Gerard Colleran and John Kierans were "guest witnesses" at the sub-committee on Ireland's future in the European Union.

But good as they were, the pair are only the warm-up act for today's quartet of "guest witnesses". Prof Richard Aldous, George Hook, Bill Cullen and Eamon Dunphy are appearing.

Why? "Bill Cullen, George Hook, Eamon Dunphy and Prof Richard Aldous are not only distinguished figures in their respective fields but are each acknowledged as skilled communicators with a capacity to engage and entertain people regardless of the topic."

So says the press release issued by the committee.

The four are going to explain how to make the EU sexy. We are not making this up. Never, in the history of the State, has so much hot air and ego been gathered in the one place. With any luck, there might be fisticuffs between Eamon and George.