Miriam Lord: Is there anything to be said for another committee?

As the business of running the country continues at a leisurely pace, Government sources revealed yesterday that the Taoiseach and a crack team of public servants have a contingency plan in place to deal with any fallout from the New Politics.

They dismissed charges that Enda Kenny’s administration had no “plan B” in the event of never being able to make a difficult decision for fear of upsetting people.

"We weren't just preparing for the possibility of a Brexit," a spokesperson said. "As soon as we knew there was a very real possibility we wouldn't be able to cling to government without the support of Fianna Fáil and some Independents, we immediately started planning for the future."

The evidence of this extensive pre-planning is very much in evidence in Leinster House, from the legislative process to the ordering of business.

There is nothing which cannot be made better with the establishment of a good committee. That’s the belief in Government Buildings at the moment.

And the Fianna Fáil leader, whose party supports the minority government, has always been rather partial to expert reports and expert committees.

Unfortunately, this ultra-consultative approach to staying in power has been working so well that a watershed decision had to be taken this week to trigger clause 50 in the memorandum of understanding between all the stakeholders in the new dispensation.

This option was not taken lightly. We understand Enda Kenny and Micheál Martin held high-level talks on the fringes of the summit in Brussels on Tuesday, followed by a conference call with Shane Ross, John Halligan and Boxer Moran.

Events moved swiftly after that.

When trading opened yesterday morning, Government Chief Whip Regina Doherty, accompanied by Finian McGrath and Willie O'Dea, swooped on Arnotts department store and bought half a dozen new chairs – two carvers, three tubs and a La-Z-Boy.

Yesterday at lunchtime, the full significance of the Chief Whip’s mission to save the Government came into sharp focus when the jovial presence of Joe O’Toole was noticed around the corridors.

Would that be Joe O’Toole, former senator and former union leader and veteran chair of government steering groups, public advisory committees and various gatherings loosely known as “bodies”?

The one and the same.

Reliable insider

If the Government is now pressing reliable insider Joe into action again so soon after his excellent work with the group looking into ways to make the Seanad more relevant, there can’t be many more of the usual suspects left to chair all the committees and commissions and review groups yet to be established with a view to long-fingering, sorry, aiding the decision-making process.

Have they lost Maurice Manning's number? Where is Mary O'Rourke? It doesn't help that Michael McDowell has just been elected to the Seanad, while that other great stalwart and chair of the Constitutional Convention, Tom Arnold, is now director general of the Institute of International and European Affairs, which is based in Dublin. A "leading think tank", according to its website.

Anyway, Joe is now going to chair the Commission on Water Charges, which the Government hopes will become Ireland’s leading water tank and take the heat out of the issue for them.

Contingency plan

Due to the rapid escalation in the establishment of can-kicking scoping exercises, the Government had to activate its contingency plan yesterday. It kicks in until new candidates can be unearthed. People like

Kieran Mulvey

(recently retired industrial relations troubleshooter) are sure to be getting a call.

In the meantime, Regina’s new chairs from Arnotts should do nicely. People will be able to talk through them to their hearts’ content and, with no response coming back, the committees can go on talking indefinitely.

Maybe the Dáil could borrow one of them – the La-Z-Boy – and use it until next Wednesday. This is when a new Leas Ceann Comhairle is finally expected to be elected. Ceann Comhairle Sean Ó Fearghaíl has been run ragged without the presence of a second-in-command to pick up some of the slack for him, although a willing band of stand-ins from across the political divide has lightened his load somewhat.

One of Fianna Fail's first-time TDs, Eugene Murphy from Roscommon, is going great guns as a stand-in chair. He did well yesterday afternoon to keep control during the hostile exchanges between members of the Anti-Austerity Alliance and Minister for Local Government Simon Coveney on the ever-contentious issue of water.

Croaky kind of calm

When Independent TD

Mick Wallace

finally got a chance to speak, he brought a croaky kind of calm to proceedings. Wallace, an avid soccer fan, recently returned from the European Championships. He rose to speak.

“Uw-hauw-heh!

Wallace clutched his throat.

“Awh-hauk-heh-heh . . . Sorry, thank you, Ceann Comhairle, or Cathaoirleach” he spluttered, all at sea.

“Awh-haw-haauk . . . Minister . . .”

Croak. Croak.

“Can you explain to me why. . .?”

Mick painfully squawked out a question about local authorities having responsibility for storm water before resuming his seat with a sheepish grin on his face.

Simon Coveney looked over at him. "You've certainly been enjoying your time in France, I see."

“I was going to suggest that he could do with a glass of water,” said Eugene, the acting chair. A smiling Wallace rasped: “I enjoy myself all of the time.”

“You know, I would actually believe you, deputy,” concurred Coveney.

I don’t need much convincing on that.