Miriam Lord's Week

Brian and Mary slow to reassess Xmas recess; No lack of power if Ned’s out of power; A proud father of social partnership; Departure ushers in Old Trafford memories; Nothing like debt to make money go round; This kind of scrapping is for youngsters

Brian and Mary slow to reassess Xmas recess

DESPITE EFFORTS from the Opposition to get an answer from the Taoiseach and Tánaiste on when the Dáil will return to business after the Christmas recess, neither of them was willing to give an answer.

The date in the official Dáil calendar is January 19th, but that was printed long before our crisis went international and critical.

It is unthinkable that the national parliament would not sit until the middle of next month. However, while neither Brian Cowen nor Mary Coughlan will yet indicate an early return it looks very likely that the House will be back a week earlier on January 11th.

Traditionally, the Dáil starts back to business after a recess on a Wednesday (don’t ask us why, it makes no sense) but given the gravity of our situation and the “urgency” around passing the Finance Bill as quickly as possible, deputies will be coming back on a Tuesday.

There is even some talk of bringing the overworked legislators back on Monday, January 10th, but that may be a bridge too far.

Meanwhile, while most money in Leinster House is on an election being held near the end of February, the talk in Fianna Fáil is that the campaign will be a long, four-week effort.

They believe the longer they have to pick apart Opposition budgetary proposals the better it will be for them. There is even tentative talk of “the swing”. Thanks, in big part, to Brian Cowen, they swung it in 2007 and returned to power.

In 2011, it’s not about power but all about damage limitation.

No lack of power if Ned’s out of power

Threats from Enda Kenny aside, our Senators are not anxious to go the way of the dodo and are already gearing up for a forthcoming Seanad election. One of the first out of the blocks is Kerry teacher turned draper turned politician, Ned O’Sullivan.

Fianna Fáil’s Ned has already sent out his letters to union representatives, asking them to renominate him for the Labour panel.

He reminds them he has done his utmost over the past three years to represent the interests of union members.

“Despite the constraints of the party system, I believe that I have consistently upheld the rights and entitlements of PAYE earners in general and the public sector in particular from [sic] the Seanad record will testify,” he writes.

“As it seems virtually certain that my party will be in opposition in the incoming Dáil, I would, if returned, be able to be even more forceful on union issues.”

So there you have it. He did a grand job when Fianna Fáil were in power, but the good news is – when they’re not in government anymore, he’ll really be able to raise hell.

A proud father of social partnership

One Senator who is not returning for the 24th (and perhaps last Seanad) is Joe O’Toole, who has been a university Senator since 1987.

Fianna Fáil’s Marc MacSharry would hate to see him go.

“O’Toole mentioned earlier in the week that he intends not to seek re-election. That is a major retrograde step for this country. As one of the fathers of social partnership, which gave so many benefits to this country, I hope that in the interests of this country he will re-consider that decision and ensure, as a Member of Seanad Éireann in the future, that it will reformed.”

High praise for the blushing “father of social partnership” who once told teachers that benchmarking was the equivalent of an ATM for them.

Joe is well got in the Upper House.

After MacSharry called for O’Toole to reconsider his position after the next election, Seanad leader Donie Cassidy immediately joined the ranks of the “Don’t Go Joe!” movement.

“We all echo that call,” boomed Donie. “He has been a tower of strength to this House and has been central to many of the changes that have taken place over the past 30 years. No one has made a greater contribution to public life or to the affairs of this House than the Senator. I fully agree with Senator MacSharry’s call, and I would say I am speaking for all Members of Seanad Éireann.” They have a great welcome for themselves.

Departure ushers in Old Trafford memories

Warm tributes were paid in both Houses to head usher Shay Byrne and his colleague Liam Lynch, who retired this week.

Shay has served under eight taoisigh during his 38 years of service, something recognised by the Tánaiste who thanked him for “caring for us mere temporary staff”. (The Leinster House ushers are unfailingly courteous to deputies and Senators – even with those who suddenly believe they have landed in Downton Abbey and the staff below stairs should know their place. You’d be surprised how many of them there are.

Thankfully, the worst usually get the heave-ho at election time, but not always. Enda Kenny said Shay “conducted himself with decorum, dignity and treated every person who came through the gates with respect . . . When he looks back on his time, the highlight will not be the 40 years of back-slapping, craw-thumping, whingeing and moaning and roaring and shouting that goes on in the House and its environs but the sublime skill he displayed at Old Trafford, the hallowed ground of Manchester United, when he wore the No 7 shirt and demonstrated that Shay Byrne, head usher of the Houses of the Oireachtas, could play in any exalted company, and did.”

This unleashed a flood of memories from deputies who played in the Oireachtas v House of Commons game in 2003. Independent TD Finian McGrath was one of them.

“You were substituted,” said Enda, rather unkindly.

Finian ignored him. “The Minister for Justice was there as well but he came off injured. He had a dodgy leg.” Dermot Ahern sighed. “Thanks for reminding me!” Sadly, said Finian, the House of Commons won 2-1 on the night.

“We had a genuine team,” sniffed Dermot, taking the moral victory route.

Paul Gogarty of the Greens played his part. “I was also a member of the famous squad referred to at Old Trafford. I wore the GAA jersey on that day. It would be remiss not to mention the cracker of a goal scored . . .” Whereupon he was heckled to a standstill.

“The Opposition deputies should be listening to this because I am paying tribute to the cracker of a goal scored by Damien English,” he continued sulkily. But they all agreed it was the chief usher, quiet man Shay, who was the star of the night.

Liam Lynch retired after spending 10 years in an usher’s uniform. Before taking up duty in Leinster House, Liam was a butcher.

“I knew Liam Lynch before he joined the staff and even before I entered the House because he is a constituent and I knew of his skills in his previous craft with a knife. These skills are very useful in Leinster House, although I have to confess that I never saw or heard of Liam exercising them,” said Eamon Gilmore.

“He is a craftsman in terms of his wielding of the knife in the butcher business and could teach many of us lessons in regard to cuts,” declared Enda, on the eve of revealing Fine Gael’s economic plan.

Later, on hearing that the always good-humoured Liam was leaving along with Shay, one deputy remarked: “Liam had the perfect experience for a job here: hadn’t he been working with tripe for years?” Two gentlemen, as the thousands of visitors they guided around Leinster House would agree.

Nothing like debt to make money go round

A colleague passes on a little tutorial currently doing the rounds: “It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town. Times are tough, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit. One day a rich German tourist stops at the local hotel and smacks a €100 note on the desk, telling the owner he wants to inspect the rooms before he decides to spend the night.

The hotelier gives him some keys and as soon as the visitor goes upstairs he grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the farmers’ co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub.

The publican slips the €100 note to a lady of the night at the bar, who is also facing tough times and had to offer him “services” on credit.

She rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the €100 note.

The proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich visitor won’t suspect a thing.

He comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, says the rooms are unsatisfactory, pockets the money and leaves town.

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that is how a bailout package works.

This kind of scrapping is for youngsters

Yesterday’s devastating opinion poll will have made up a few minds on the Government side of the House when it comes to who will contest the forthcoming election.

Few believe Fianna Fáil will come in with just 13 per cent of the national vote, but with next week’s budget to come, the view that the party will poll a higher figure is not as strongly held as it was.

As one wavering former stalwart told us yesterday: “Who’d want to go forward? This sort of scrap is something for a younger person. I’d be afraid to go around in a car with Fianna Fáil signs on it. They’re asking me to do it for the party, but it’s a mess.”

He added that running a decent campaign would probably cost him in the region of €20,000 “and for what?” And yet, the strangest rumour reaches our ears. The source is impeccable: a colleague earwigging on a conversation between an FF party activist and a Minister in the lunchtime queue at the Leinster House restaurant.

“She’s determined to run again and is looking to run for us.”

“She” being Mary Harney and “us” being Fianna Fáil.

“She has not declared her hand . . . As far as the Minister is concerned, the most important thing at the moment is to get the budget through,” a spokesman for the currently Independent Minister told us yesterday.

We hear from Dublin Mid-West that Harney seems to be “getting more active” in the constituency.

And what to make of the fully paid up member of the FF bar lobby, who, when asked yesterday about this strangest of yarns replies: “I heard that last night.” (In the Members’ Bar. From a very good source.) Harney’s Fianna Fáil constituency colleague, Chief Whip John Curran, did not return our call.

We don’t believe it. She has no party. Fianna Fáil is on a hiding to nothing. The polls are showing 13 per cent. It makes no sense. The only puzzling aspect of this is why she has not declared her hand.