‘Coming out is something we have to do throughout our lives’

“I had a pretty tough time in the lead-up to coming out. I found it difficult to admit to myself that I was gay. I was almost 30 before I started to tell people and even then it was a number of years before I let family and friends know.

“I grew up in Kilkenny and found it hard that I felt so different. My teen years were not easy and I was probably in a state of confusion about who I was and what I wanted, like most teenagers. But, for me, there was something more coming out.

“In those first few years after coming out I immersed myself in LGBTQ+ culture, went out and made friends, volunteered with LGBTQ+ organisations and heard stories that set fire in my belly. I wanted to do more to help others who had struggled to be themselves, because I know how hard it is to live in a place that is not necessarily open to who you are.

“Then the marriage referendum came along and I decided to help with the canvass. I saw that most people are totally okay with who I am. There were very few negative reactions. It was a big turning point for me as I felt lucky to be part of this community where people were so friendly and open to others joining their groups – and, most importantly, strong and outspoken about who they were. I couldn’t have imagined when I was younger and struggling so much that I would ever feel that way.

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“Of course, coming out is something we have to do throughout our lives. I work from home, so it’s not every day, but on a weekly basis I still catch myself taking a moment before saying ‘me and my wife’ (or, previously, ‘partner’ or ‘girlfriend’), or ‘my wife will be here later’.

“In some previous roles I would keep my sexuality under wraps by not mentioning anything about partners, even as others around me would be talking about what they were doing at the weekend with their husbands or wives, without ever having to pause or hesitate.

“I found, however, that it was detrimental for my career because I was holding back and keeping a distance. It took me a while before I started to tell people in work – I previously worked in sales and marketing in hotels – and whenever I changed to a hotel or different management position, I would make a point of just getting it out there on the first day, ideally telling the person I thought would be likely to tell the most people.

“Over the past decade I have noticed that people barely even react any more, which is great. They just move on to the next question or topic, perhaps because it’s not so unusual any more that a woman refers to her wife or a man to his husband.

“Today I work as business development director at the Irish Centre for Diversity, which provides training and support and accreditation for companies at all stages of their diversity and inclusion journey. I absolutely love what I do and I am passionate about supporting companies to include more people from diverse backgrounds. I also particularly care about disability and neurodiversity because I grew up with a brother who had a severe disability and there were so many tough but brilliant times with him, and this has carried over to my work.

“I have been lucky enough to work as business development director for Canada’s Women’s Executive Network, organising and running their ‘Top most Powerful Women in Business’ awards, as well as running two mentor leadership programmes at UCD’s Michael Smurfit Graduate Business School and heading up the diversity and inclusion management role in diversity and inclusion at Aer Lingus.

“I honestly never thought I would be working in this space but I am so glad that I am.

“I feel hopeful for the future. Although there has been massive negativity online and in the media for the LGBTQ+ community – trans people, in particular – I feel the majority of people in Ireland are open and support LGBTQ+ rights, while those protesting at libraries against us are the minority.

“In the coming years I think there will be a much overdue focus on including more people with diverse groups in the workplace and a further focus on disability. And while they might be tough times and there will always be hatred, I believe that, for the majority, people will be accepting and inclusive of the community, and of more diversity in society and work.”

– In conversation with Peter McGuire